ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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