Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
