Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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