big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
