You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
