We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
