i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
