I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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