It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
