why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize