I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize