I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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