Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
