end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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