i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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