I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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