I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
