Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
