Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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