He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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