I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she was so not down for the gang bang
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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