the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
