in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need a burrito and a hug.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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