I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
