Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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