watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we're making bets on your personal life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
