I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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