i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
