Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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