Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
