Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
