I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize