Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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