I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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