He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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