you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize