Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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