I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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