I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
