I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we're making bets on your personal life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
