I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
