Sponge bath it is.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
