I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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