sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
