ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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