I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
