Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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