Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
