i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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