You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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