Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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