He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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