:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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