she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
not ubering you a puppy
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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