That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
