We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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