no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
