he thought i was a dude.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
