me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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