You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
