Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
