so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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