Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
