She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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