Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
