i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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