i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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