Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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