Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Please don't give away my fajitas
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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