Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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