about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
