please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
