i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
