She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm like, not good at living.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
