Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
