an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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