I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
