If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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