The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize