thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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