I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
