Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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