in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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