so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
