I am spending my child support on dildos
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
