I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
