You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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