I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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