Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
