weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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